Taking A Step In The Right Direction

Last year I was going through a rough patch in life. 

Things were getting pretty bad. I was worried all the time, things still haunted me from the past, and to me, there wasn't any sunshine. 

I thought that I couldn't talk to anyone, that I couldn't trust anyone, and that I could handle anything that came my way on my own. 

But, that wasn't the case.  

Adults think we don't have to deal with much because we're kids. But I felt there was too much for me to even handle; being bullied, friend's betrayals, and keeping up with constant school work... it became overwhelming and was really taking a toll on me. 

But then I realized two things:

1. There are people who love me all around me
2. The people who were tormenting me won't matter in the long run 

I was letting them hurt me... and I didn't have to do that anymore. 

Just spending time with friends and family really did make everything better. I began to tell them what was bothering me, trusting them more. 

And guess what! They made me feel so happy. They told me that when I'm scared, or sad, or even mad, they still love me. I don't even need to talk, all I need to do is just be with them. 

For many years I thought I made my family ashamed or that I caused them pain, so I always felt bad about myself. I thought that my family didn't like me, but I was wrong.

When I finally confessed how I'd always felt, my family told me how much they loved me and that they would always be there for me if I ever need to talk. I saw my brothers were protective or me, not that they were mad or didn't like me as I'd always thought. What they said made me so happy.

I'm sad that I didn't talk to my family about what was happening to me sooner. I wish that I did. Knowing they loved me no matter what, with all my flaws, and that each day we start over new... I do believe knowing that sooner would have helped me to have a better relationship with them. 

All my life I have tried to be strong for others and help them with anything they needed. I thought I had to help my parents whenever they were fighting; somehow I had to fix it. I always helped my friends...

But, I would never tell anyone what I was going through. I would never let myself be sad or mad in front of my friends (they called me 'iron heart'). I didn't want to burden anyone. 

What I was really doing was never caring for myself.  

You can't fix anyone else. You can't live someone else's life for them. 

Always putting other people first and thinking it's your job to help them or heal them is no way to live. While you are lifting them up, you are sinking down. For a while there I was almost lost in that quicksand.

Now I know that you can care for and help yourself while also helping others. If you feel like you are in some kind of quicksand, it's time to talk. Reach for the nearest branch. Open up and be real. 

Talking is the best thing you can do. Be brave. I know it may be embarrassing at first, but once you do it, I promise you everything will be better. 

You don't have to take on everything by yourself. Just remember you're not alone in this world. There are people who care for you. 

Talk to them.